I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
