I need help removing her.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
