Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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