More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
