I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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