The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
