So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Drunk is a universal language darling
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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