I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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