worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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