She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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