My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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