i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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