I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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