ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
