found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
