I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
