just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
