I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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