Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
