i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
