she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
