If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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