Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
