If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
