why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
