I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
