Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
