Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
