Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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