direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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