I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
