I feel like abortions should bother me more
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
