I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
