So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
