Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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