Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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