69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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