I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
