2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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