I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
