I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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