im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
