Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
