Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
