i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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