I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
