I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
