exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
