it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
