i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
